A New Year With New Beginnings

2010 is now the past with 2011 starting my new future.  I never asked to be diagnosed with so many health problems but I still have fight left in me.  In early December I had to see my dermatologist for scalp eczema and my facial rosacea.  When he saw the computer printed list of all the medications I take simply to exist from day to day, he told me no one should be on that many.  The magic number of supplements, creams for my face and scalp rash, and prescription meds has now reached the number 22.

I remember when I was a newlywed to my first husband, Mel, who died 10 years after we were married, I was only on 2 prescription medications.  I was at a healthy weight and was able to do more physically than I am now.  Fast forward from age 28 to age 42 and here I am trusting God to help me understand how I got to this place with my health and how to fix it.

I fully admit I am a compulsive overeater addicted to sugar.  I'm not talking the occasional candy bar here but say there is a 1/2 gallon of ice cream in the fridge I really love, and it's one my husband doesn't care for, it's gone in 2 days because of my cravings and emotional issues.

It was hard to get the Christmas spirit in 2010 because I had to put down my beloved Jasmine tortoise shell cat who was over 16 years old.  My current husband is NOT a cat person by any means so he doesn't understand the sadness my son and I are going through.  Philip had known Jasmine since birth and I had been a part of the cat's life since dating Mel in summer 1995.  To see her dying of kidney failure, having seizures, etc. broke my heart.  It was like she had spring in her step on Monday then by Thursday she went through all kinds of testing and found she had kidney failure with less than 40% chance to make it.  I took Philip to the emergency clinic, took some pictures of him with her covered up, and we cried and said our goodbyes.  Then I came home to a husband who didn't seem the least bit affected.  I know it was wrong of me to tell my husband he had a "cold heart" but when his mother died on October 8th of 2010, he was sad a few days then has blown it off ever since.  I guess men grieve differently than women and children.

One minute my husband tells my son and I that if we'll take care of the litter box, furr balls, hair, etc. we can get another cat (from a shelter--I believe in rescue) and then he changes his mind saying he's not ready for another animal.  Now he sees Philip and I moody as we'd already been to several places in search of another cat.  When I married Geary I had 3 cats and one dog.  Now we have two dogs (one because he didn't want to have a child with me) and no cats.  I am listening to my 10 year old mention wanting another cat every day, and crying often during the week where Geary can't grasp my stress levels.  I feel like I'm in a catch 22 situation where I can't win.  It's my home and Geary moved in after we married.  I find myself looking for the cat and realize she is not here.  Jasmine was the last of the 4 cats from my first marriage to Philip's father and now there is an empty place in our hearts that longs to have another cat.  We know Jasmine can't really be replaced but the comfort it would bring my son, a CAT person, would really take the load off my high strung stress levels. After all, at one point, I was cleaning up after 3 cats total!

I'm trying hard to get back on my Nutrisystem.  I had a bad mammogram in November that revealed microcalcifications in my right breast.  Luckily on biopsy day the 2nd set of x-rays showed the calcium deposits unclustered and floating in milk so they were benign.  Now I have to go every 6 months for mammograms based on my history.  I could see God's hand that day as the doctor told me it is RARE for any woman to come in and not have the biopsy performed.

I want to lose 25 pounds to start then on to the next 25 pounds.  Overall I'd like to lose 100 pounds total but I'm a realist.  It may take me two or more years to get there but I'm tired of feeling 70 years old instead of 42.  It is tough because I'm not supposed to have alcohol or caffeine due to my breast issues and I'm not supposed to have sugar, high fructose corn syrup, etc. because of my rosacea and eczema.  I get really moody when I don't get a chance to eat my forbidden foods and I'm not a "fruit" person to get natural healthy sugars.

I will try to keep posting in the days ahead.  I just have had the blues lately.  I don't feel like my good old self but excessively fatigued and drowsy from all the medications I take.  If you can relate to my story, please post or drop me an email to tx_nelb@yahoo.com.  I'm also on facebook as eyes2blue68.